One question I’ve heard often is how to handle your own conversion with family members. It’s come up on this blog, I’ve heard about it asked on Catholic radio, and seen it in other places. I have no magic answer here, but I thought I’d open a thread to see if anyone else has any ideas.
One thing I did hear was to ask a third party to talk to the reluctant family members. I suppose this is a good idea as far as it goes. To me it seems a bit more complicated than that (and it’s going to depend a great deal on the individual situation).
When I told my mother that I was going to convert, well, let’s just say that the expression on her face will remain with me to my dying day. She was disappointed and suspicious (and, I suspect, still is). But one thing I did was present it as a fait acompli. I presented it as “I am going to convert,” rather than, “I’m seriously thinking about converting.” I think the finality of it saved some argument.
It’s a serious problem for some people, so I thought it might be useful to open a thread and see where it goes.
I can't speak from experience, but a quote from Chesterton comes to mind, something to the effect that Christ said that because of him fathers and sons, etc., would be turned against each other.
Someone announcing that they were going to become a Methodist, a Baptist, a Christian Scientist, or whatever, would be seen as being harmless or as a phase that they would likely grow out of. But announce that one will become a Catholic--and watch out.
For me, the most difficult part of my conversation was telling my parents. I was twenty at the time and living in Utah. (How did a Baptist living among the Mormons find himself called to the Catholic Faith? Long story.)
My folks lived out of town and I told them via telephone. I presented it as a fait accompli, but that didn't make them particularly happy. Over the past couple of decades they've made their peace with it. Occasionally they ask questions like, "Is it true you loose your salvation if you don't go to church?"
I answer as best I can, trying to work around the issues of language that separate us.
Now I have a good relationship with both of them, but I think they're still disappointed. This doesn't diminish my enthsuiasm for the Faith, but there are times when I wish we didn't have this gap between us.
I'm in RCIA, and I've only discussed the issue with my wife, who is not very enthused, to say the least. I'm dreading telling the parents and the former church members.
Rusty, The spouse may tag along after a few years. That happens often enough when they aren't "very enthused." It often transforms into curiousity as you discuss things. Where you have greater problems is when open hostility is the only response.
Kevin, I feel your pain brother. My mother is a new ager - talk about a gap! As long as they're asking questions it's a good thing. If they were hostile it would be worse.
Chas, I used to think that I'd have gotten a better resonse if I'd announced I was going to become a Branch Davidian.
If they're asking questions, it's a good thing. It's much harder to bridge the gap if they're hositle or completely disinterested.
I've told most of my family, or they have heard through the grapevine. They are largely disinterested, including my husband. It is rather lonely, but at least I know I am doing the right thing.
I try to remain open so that I can answer whatever questions that do come up. The main thing I have to remember is to keep my answers short and to the point!
My mom was actually no problem, as she's the one who converted first. The inlaws were and are still an issue. I converted 6 years ago this Easter, and still dread every family get-together with the inlaws. I know I'll be "tackled" about Catholicism, as they are convinced my soul is damned unless they save me. They are devout Southern Baptists, and very nice people normally. I would say we are slowly lowering the tension, but neither side is giving up their position.